Are You Drunk?
by ThirteenStrikes
Summary: Thirteen shows up at work completely exhausted and a little disoriented. Her colleagues and her boss immediately assume the worst of her. However, it is Cameron who manages to find out the real reason behind her colleague's conduct.  oneshot, for now


Okay, this is my first ever Camteen fic.  
Well...here goes nothing.

**Disclaimer: I don't own House M.D. and I don't own the characters, etc, etc, etc.**

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"Are You Drunk?"

*yawn*

Dr. Remy Hadley stretched her long, toned arms in front of her across the table in the Diagnostics' office, and leaned her forehead against the cool glass with her eyes closed. To say that she was exhausted and totally drained of energy would be a complete understatement. She stayed in that posture for a while, not even the slightest bit concerned about her boss's impending (and most definitely pornographic) speculation as to why she looked so tired. But until then, she is going to try to get some rest, even if it only meant a couple of minutes at most.

_'Screw him. He can fantasize all he wants, but number Thirteen is NOT moving from this position anytime soon,'_ she thought to herself, attempting to muffle another sleepy yawn.

She heard the door to the office open, men's voices and footsteps quickly approaching.

"No new cases?" she heard Taub ask. She wasn't sure who the question was directed to, but she _was_ certain that _she_ wouldn't be the one to answer him.

"Not yet..." Foreman's voice responded, trailing off. In the silence that followed, she sensed two pairs of eyes on her. It was probably the most uncomfortable feeling ever, knowing that two of your male colleagues, one of which was an obsessive ex, were staring at you as you're trying to fall asleep.

"Thirteen, are you alright?" She knew that was coming. Knew it. Stupid Foreman just _had_ to sound all concerned for her well-being. She didn't know if he did it as a plot to win her back, or because he was genuinely concerned about a fellow co-worker. Either way, it didn't matter to her. She just hoped that her silence would give him a hint to shut up and leave her alone.

Quietly, she took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, attempting to block out any noise around her, relax her body, and let her mind drift off into slumber...

_'Breath in... Breath out. Breath in... Breath out. Breath in... Ohmygod is that coffee?'_

Great. How is she going to sleep now? She was practically inhaling caffeine, the familiar scent practically stimulating her brain and raising her consciousness. Now, her mind and stomach wanted the coffee, but her bloodshot eyes and her weary body are nowhere near making an effort to get up, much less _ask_ to be poured a cup.

She listened as the two men in the room sipped their morning coffee with silent satisfaction and sat down at the table across from her, undoubtedly staring at their supposedly sleeping colleague.

Ten seconds pass... Thirty seconds... A minute...

_'Goddamnit I just want to sleep!' _she internally yelled at herself_. 'Is that so much to ask for?'_

At that moment, someone else barged into Diagnostics. And by the sound of it, said person must be flipping through a whole bunch of papers on hand.

"Hey. Found a case for you guys."

_'Cameron?'_ The blonde ER head's entrance almost immediately piqued Thirteen's interest. If her eyes weren't in so much pain, she would've sneaked a tiny glance up at House's favorite ex-ducking to check her out. _'No wait, she's straight...she's straight. Behave yourself Remy.'_

"Twenty-seven-year-old male, severe head trauma and tachycardia with paralysis on the left side of his entire body..." the blonde continued but eventually trailed off, much like the way Foreman did a while ago. Hmmm...

"Is Thirteen alright?" Remy heard her ask with a hint of concern. That tone was enough to make her heart skip a beat. Funny how Foreman showed such a sign of concern earlier, but all it did was turn her off. Maybe she should stop being so harsh on him... Just maybe.

"We think she's sleeping," answered Taub, the uncertainty of his voice kind of accentuating his answer.

Remy listened as a folder dropped onto the surface of the table beside her and nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a hand pressed onto the side of her neck. Lucky for her, her body was so drained of energy that her reflexes just didn't function as well as they should, and so Dr. Hadley resumed her 'sleeping' state without so much as a mere shift in body weight.

"No fever..." she heard Cameron murmur as she retracted her hand. Good. So it _was_ her. If anybody else touched her like that, they'd be buried alive faster than House can pop a Vicodin pill into his mouth.

"Goooood morning dear children. Daddy's here!"

'_Speak of the devil..._' Remy sighed and braced herself for the unavoidable conversation to come. '_Three...two...one... Let the torturing begin._'

"Oh my GOD. Somebody killed the bisexual!"

A couple of seconds later, she felt something jab at her side. "Owwww! What the fuck House!" She swatted his cane away and slowly sat herself upright, massaging her eyes with a hand before gradually opening them, wincing at the blinding sunlight streaming into the office.

"Ah! She lives! I'm getting better and better at this. I knew that book about resurrection wasn't only good for collecting dust!" he grinned, twirling his notorious cane around his fingers. "So, my loyal subjects, which one of you would like to be the first to interrogate Thirteen as to why she seems so worn out this morning?" Even without looking at him, she could see that devilish smirk on his unshaven face.

But before anyone could speak a word, Cameron cleared her throat. "You might be interested in this case. Twenty-seven-year-old male, severe head trauma—"

"Late night?" House asked, not even trying to hide the tone of accusation in his voice. "Another infamous session of hot girl-on-girl action—"

"No," she cut him off before things got worse. All eyes were on her now.

"No?" Her boss studied her demeanor and body language. Hmmm, she was telling the truth. Interesting. "Well then, maybe you've decided to go back to dating men-"

"NO." That sounded a little harsher than she intended. Whoops.

House watched her like a hawk. "Not sleeping around... Wow, I'd never expect to see the day Thirteen stops getting any action."

She rolled her eyes in reply, not bothering to correct him because they _both_ knew, (and so did everybody else in the room), that Remy Hadley was capable of getting action anywhere and anytime she wanted.

"Back on drugs again, then?" he shot at her.

"Remy!" scolded Foreman almost immediately, giving her a look of disapproval. And that just ticked her off.

"Jesus Christ Foreman! Do you really believe anything he says? Do you really have such low expectations of me?" she snapped at him. She then crossed her arms and sank a little lower in her seat, feeling self-conscious now after the sudden outburst. Sighing, she calmed herself down and locked her eyes on the differential white board, letting the anger slowly subside. She was too tired for this.

"Oooh. Somebody's feeling touchy today... Hmmm. Exhaustion, irritability, bloodshot eyes, reduced physical movement, spaciness and disorientation, lack of humour..."

"House!" interrupted Cameron, to Remy's relief. "This patient doesn't have all day to live. He might go into cardiac arrest anytime soon."

"Aha! You're drunk! You've been drinking yourself into oblivion since last night. Drowning yourself in beer, vodka, whiskey, and every other type of alcohol you could get your hands on. Tell me, were you at that gay bar or did you—"

"HOUSE!" Foreman, Taub and Cameron practically shouted at him. It took a lot for Remy to hide the smirk she felt coming. She reached for the folder on the table and skimmed over the first couple of pages. Then she stood up and tossed it over to her boss, who caught it clumsily with both hands. "I'll go question him about his family's medical history, travels, daily habits and whatnot."

And with that, she left the room.

* * *

"Have you come into contact with any animals the past couple of months?"

"No. I've never been anywhere else other than those places I've mentioned. And nobody I know owns pets of any kind."

Thirteen jotted down some notes on her clipboard. "Alright... That's all we have to know for now, Mr. Lawrence. Thank you." After checking his vitals and his temperature one more time, she left the patient's room.

Remy sighed as she dragged her feet across the hospital floor with great reluctance to go back and face her invasive boss once again. As she rounded the corner, her inattentiveness almost caused her to crash head-on into someone.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry..." she began, until she realized who it was. "Doctor Cameron."

"Doctor Hadley, I've been...looking for you," the blonde said, subtly scrutinizing her colleague. Before Remy had the chance to think of a reaction, she was pulled into an empty patient's room. She watched curiously as Cameron closed the curtains to give them a little privacy.

_'Hm, this is a little weird...'_

When the blonde spun around, she had a flashlight in her hand and was shining it in Remy's eyes. "Aaaahhh..." complained the brunette, leaning away.

"Just hold still for a sec and let me give you a check up," Cameron insisted. She then proceeded to check Remy's blood pressure and listen to her breathing. Not having the energy to retaliate, Thirteen decided to let her do whatever she wanted.

She sighed. _'If only we were both naked... WHOA, REMY. That was BAD. Bad Remy!' _She slapped herself mentally.

"Stand up."

"Huh?"

"Doctor Hadley, please stand up." She did as she was told with a confused look on her face.

"Okay, now try standing on one leg."

"Cameron, I'm not drunk!" she claimed, shifting her weight to stand on her right foot. "Seeeee? Now can I go?"

Wavering a little from the lack of balance, she watched as the blonde cupped her chin with one hand. She could almost hear the cogs turning in her brain, probably analyzing her somewhat slurred speech. Remy sighed deeply and sat herself on the empty bed, swinging her long legs to and fro while she observed the ER head and waited patiently for a reaction.

_'My GOD she looks good today.'_ Her piercing azure eyes traced up those dark-grey slacks that fitted her form in the most perfect manner, making their way up to her matching grey vest, pausing slightly at her white blouse underneath, halfway unbuttoned, giving her a lovely view of the woman's cleavage...

"Doctor Hadley, can you count backwards from a hundred?" She tore her gaze away from the blonde's chest and met her teal eyes with embarrassment. She wondered briefly if she'd been caught.

"Um...what? You want me to count backwards from one hundred?" Remy asked with disbelief. "Cameron, you can't be serious. Of all people, I'd expect you to be the least accusing." She hopped off the bed and began heading towards the glass door, until a hand on her arm gently stopped her from going any further.

"Doctor— Thirteen," Cameron corrected herself with some hesitance. It was kind of strange to hear her use that nickname. Come to think of it, this may be the first time she's addressed Remy like that. She turned away from the door to face the blonde. "I'm not judging you or anything, I just want to confirm for myself that you're not intoxicated. Mr. Lawrence came into the ER this morning as my patient, and I need to take precautions. I hope you understand that."

Remy could've forgiven her right there as she stared into those apologetic eyes. Like she could ever stay mad at the loving and compassionate Doctor Cameron for acting out of logic and reason. However, the brunette was a still a little bit upset with all these assumptions about her behavior. They talked to her as if she was a wild, party animal, that all she ever does are drugs, sex and alcohol.

"I guess I understand... But it gets so frustrating when nobody believes me when I'm telling the truth," stated the taller doctor. "Honestly, Cameron, I am not the least bit intoxicated. Why the hell would I ever go to work drunk? I'm just..." She covered her mouth as she yawned. "...just really, _really_ tired."

The skeptical expression on the blonde doctor's face faltered for a moment. "Why? Were you...up all night?"

Remy smirked at the way Cameron looked at her. "My god. These rumours are just out of control in this hospital," she muttered, rolling her eyes as she did. "I didn't bring anyone home with me yesterday night. Had a bottle of beer, but I doubt something with that low a percentage of alcohol would keep me inebriated until the morning after. Mankind still has to work on such a creation." They both smiled.

"Then why are you so tired?" Ah. Worried Cameron was back.

"The apartment next to mine was having this huge party," Remy frowned at the thought. "Stupid assholes. The music was blaring, people were screaming and shouting. Couldn't fall asleep 'til six in the morning..." She rubbed at her eyes.

"Stop," Cameron reached out and held her hand. Remy then watched her curiously as the blonde doctor shyly let go, a blush creeping up her cheeks as she did.

"Do you believe me now?" asked the intern. Cameron was still deciding if what she had just heard should be considered credible, especially since it came from Thirteen's lips. Maybe she should cut her some slack. Everybody knew that the brunette was an excellent doctor, despite the things that they've caught her doing in her free time. She would never endanger a patient in any way. Thirteen was never known for her recklessness - at least not on hospital grounds.

Cameron let out a soft sigh. "Yeah, I believe you," she said, though not as entirely convincing as she had wished. She gave the taller woman a small smile. "Sorry for giving you a hard time."

"It's alright..." Remy was thinking of leaving at that moment, but another part of her, (the _bad_ part), wanted a little revenge. "But if you're still doubtful for some reason, I can offer you absolutely indisputable and convincing proof that I'm, in fact, not drunk at this very moment."

Cameron looked up at her with surprise. Maybe this would clear her mind of all doubts about Thirteen and dissolve all restlessness. Then she'd be able to go on with her day, not having to worry about the possible things that could've gone wrong due to malpractice by House's duckling.

"Alright. But this better be good," she gave her the green light. Cameron crossed her arms and watched her colleague intently.

Without warning, Remy leaned in and pressed her lips against the blonde's. Cameron immediately tensed up with shock. This is not happening.

Remy, on the other hand, was trying to muster enough willpower to keep her hands to her sides and restrain herself from deepening the kiss. After a few seconds, she pulled away with much reluctance. The two doctors, however, were still standing in each other's personal space, both a little breathless.

"See? If I was drunk, you'd taste the alcohol," whispered Thirteen, gazing down at Cameron. With a final mischievous and flirty smirk, Remy Hadley spun around and exited the room.

Allison Cameron was thoroughly stunned and rendered speechless by such an act. Subconsciously, she licked her lips.

No, Remy Hadley wasn't drunk. And she obviously didn't taste like alcohol at all.

She tasted so much better.

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